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Can I get an Amen? Kidnapped at Costco (and SAMS.)

“Can I get an Amen?” is the name of my new “column” that will appear frequently in this blog.

The subject of each essay will fall under the category of “things I cannot stand.”  If they are also things that YOU cannot stand, then I’d like “to get an amen”.

You know any article that talks about things I hate will at some point have the name “Walmart” in it, but it is not just Walmart that has raised my ire, but the membership club stores like SAMS, Costco and BJ’s (such an unfortunate name).

Say it with me; I cannot STAND having to wait in line to show my receipt to some elderly, minimum wage Greeter armed with a highlighter, just so I can get out of the flippin’ store.  Seriously, think about what these companies are really saying with this policy:

  1. “We think our employees are so stupid, that even after being hired and trained by us, they are incapable of scanning ALL the items in your cart.”
  2. “We think YOU, our valued customer are a common street thug who is trying to steal our merchandise.”
  3. “We value your time so little that after making you walk for miles trying to find where we hid an item from the last time you purchased it, asking stone-faced employees to please excuse you while you interrupt their personal conversations among each other long enough to ask a question and then literally watching your life fade before your very eyes as you wait in an interminably long line, we will now ask you to stand in yet ANOTHER line behind 6 other shoppers each with 100 items in their cart and THEN you have to let Jim Bob take a gander at your receipt before you can leave.”

Since I hate grocery shopping, I have been known to hit the club stores once every two or three months and walk out with $700 worth of freezable food items.  There is no way some little old lady is going to accurately count and verify those items on a receipt that is 2 feet long.

Sometimes, I take freezer bags for packing and those bags may be stuffed with a dozen different things.  They don’t take those items out, but simply unzip and sniff around the surface like a drug dog.

I have purposely tested my theory that this is a useless exercise designed to frustrate the hell out of customers.  I have made two separate purchases with two different receipts and when getting shaken down by the door police, I craftily only give them ONE of my receipts.  No one has yet noticed the discrepancy regarding the items that are not reflected on the receipt, as they study so diligently, walking around my cart, thoroughly poking each item, then drawing a yellow highlight marker down the whole bill in an officious manner.

Can someone please explain to me why I should spend 10 minutes of my life trying to get out the door AFTER the privilege of spending say, $400?  Could this be considered kidnapping?  I mean, they don’t have the lawful right to detain me, do they?

And Dear Lord, it is worse at Walmart.  At least the others have an unshakeable exiting policy.  At Walmart, each store seems to have a different procedure concerning their TSA-like security measures and even those vary among different employees.  Sometimes, I whisk right out with a case of water under my cart and no one cares.  Other times, I think I am safe to keep on moving and a little old man shouts at my retreating back, “Ma’am, I need to see your receipt, please.”  One of these days, I am going to find out what happens when I refuse to stop.

The worst is when I have already stuffed the receipt in the nether regions of my bag like a law abiding citizen who has paid for her purchases should be able to do, and then I can’t find it, and I am scrambling through my purse for papers like an illegal immigrant stopped by Border Patrol.

I can’t STAND any of this.  Can I get an amen?

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About reneadijab

Renea Dijab

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5 Comments on “Can I get an Amen? Kidnapped at Costco (and SAMS.)”

  1. Keith Says:

    Amen sister!

    Reply

  2. Karlyn Says:

    You can definitely get an Amen from me in this one. We actually did some research on this one time and found that, legally, Sams Club, etc., cannot force you to show them your receipt and go through your purchases. However, if you refuse, they CAN ban you from their store. So, it’s a catch 22 in that one…

    Reply

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