December 6, 2011

Essays for Giggles

I am becoming a runner.  Well… OK, someone who sort of stumbles forward in a slightly faster manner than walking… at least part of the time… the rest of the time I am just walking… or doubled over, clutching my sides and trying not to hurl… I call it “wunning”, a cross between walking and running.  Usually when I talk about it, people just think I have a speech impediment.

I have been working on my 5K training plan for 2 years now.  I started with a training schedule that was called “6 weeks from couch to 5K”… I am up to about a mile now… at the pace I am going it will be more like 6 years…

I have never enjoyed exercise.  Mainly, I do not enjoy exercise because I do not like to sweat, blotch up like I’ve had an allergic reaction or whinny like a horse as I hurl myself forward through the air.  What I do enjoy is a nice civilized lie-down with a lovely cup of tea.

Sometimes I “wun” on a treadmill and sometimes outdoors.   There is nothing sadder than a gym that smells like a cross between a dead rat and bleach, full of normal looking men and women, with ear buds jammed in their ears, staring dully over their heads at the TV screens, pumping those arms like the hounds of hell are chasing them.

I prefer to run outside because then there is no possibility that I might catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror.  I have seen it and it is not a pretty sight.

A year ago, I did in fact enter my first, and to date, only race.  Of course, I was not ready for the 5K so I signed up for the one mile.  You know how those things are always described as a Fun Walk/Run?  Well, my field of competition was tough.  Grandmas walking holding onto toddler’s hands, moms pushing strollers… and me… in 90 degree heat with 100% humidity… looking like a puffed up lobster, wheezing like I had asthma… with my sweet husband and daughter cheering me on like I did not look ridiculous…

And guess what?  I won THIRD place… with a real trophy and everything!  The fact that the 15-year-old girls who won first and second were the only other ones actually running shouldn’t bother me, should it?  I mean… I can still be proud of myself even if the only people left in my dust were children under 6 and women over 60, right?  Please say yes.

This trophy is very precious to me since I am pretty certain it is the only award for running I will ever have.  The race was called the Woodland Wallahatchie Run which explains why my award is a doubly adorable little squirrel sitting on a chunk of wood.

My competitive days of running may be behind me… but I will always remember the glory days.

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About reneadijab

Renea Dijab

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2 Comments on “Wunning!”

  1. Tim Harris Says:

    My last race, an old lady with a HAIRDO passed me at the end and beat me. A hairdo, like my grandma used to get every Friday. But you shoulda seen her calves.


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