Can I get an Amen? What is children’s toy packaging trying to prove?

December 9, 2011

Can I get an Amen?, Mom Stories

“Can I get an Amen?” is the name of my new “column” that will appear frequently in this blog.  The subject of each essay will fall under the category of “things I cannot stand.”  If they are also things that YOU cannot stand, then I’d like “to get an amen.

I wanted to do a little something topical for the holidays, and my favorite gift-giving subject happens to fall squarely in the domain of “Can I get an Amen?”

My daughter is 6, almost 7 and I am 46 (almost 47, hah!), so I am sure this happened sometime long after I was a child and yet, probably before my daughter was a wink of Daddy’s eye… when did toys start being packaged with the safety regulations of a nuclear bomb?

OMG – why?  Why do they do this to us?  You need tiny, tiny screwdrivers, not only to put batteries in the damn thing but to UNSCREW the toy from the cardboard box!  It is SCREWED to the PACKAGING.  Who is trying to steal this thing?  Houdini?

Then you need wire pliers to cut those silver twisty cords that circle every limb, neck and protrusion of the toy… and just when you think you have succeeded in removing all the packaging, you find something threaded and plastic still woven INTO the hair… like weird Brittany Spears hair extensions.

And who hasn’t torn up the toy, just a little bit, trying to free it from its bondage?  Is the fact that we are DESTROYING the freakin’ toy just trying to get it out of the box for our child, not a sign that something has gone horribly wrong with this satanic trend?  Whose idea was this and why?  I want their name and email address.  Now.

Like the logical selection of evolution, I have often wondered why this unnatural permutation has occurred, and can find no rational explanation.  Is it because every toy now makes the long voyage from a Chinese port and must be secured against unnaturally rough seas?  Is it to foil incredibly crafty shoplifters who try to get the toy out of the store sans packaging?  Is it to torture the gluttonous parents who give their kids too much? (Make ‘em pay by having a nervous breakdown trying to get that Transformer out of the plastic tomb it is packaged in?)

“Dear Lord, why?”  Whatever sins we parents have wrought on the people who make toys, I do heartily repent.  Just make it stop.   I only ask that I be able to give my daughter a gift without needing tools or a band-aid after slicing my finger open on the NASA-grade plastic packaging.

Can I get an Amen?


About reneadijab

Renea Dijab

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2 Comments on “Can I get an Amen? What is children’s toy packaging trying to prove?”

  1. C. Miller Says:

    Renea, dear, these toys simply cannot be left untethered. Retailers would go mad trying to undo the chaos and damage these toys can wreak when they ‘come alive’ at night or when no one is looking. Even I grew up knowing about the Elf-on-the-shelf.


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