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Getting Old. Going Blind.

December 14, 2011

Aging, Essays for Giggles

The worst thing SO FAR, about getting older (I’m not getting older, I am getting better, right?  Yeah, right.)…. is that I am slowly going blind as a bat.

I do say “so far”, ‘cause I know this is just the tip of a very large iceberg.  One that will eventually sink my ship.

I remember the very moment that I acquired the same vision as my parents.  I was trying to read some very tiny writing on the side of a package.   I could not see it clearly.  I moved the package closer.  I STILL could not read it.  I moved it so close that it nearly scrapped my eyeball and it was still only a blur.

I felt a little panicky.  What was happening?  I could not get it any closer or it would be behind me.

Then I remembered how my parents cannot read a restaurant menu without their glasses because their arms are not long enough.  I have offered to trot the menu across the room for them so they can read it in the lobby, but so far they just shoot me a dirty look.

Slooowly, I pulled the package AWAY from my face.  As my arm stretched to its limit, elbow fully extended, the writing magically came into focus and I could read it perfectly.

My heart sank.  This was almost as bad as the time I was mistaken as the GRANDMOTHER of my sister’s children.  I am only 4 years older than my sister.  My own child was 2 years old at the time.  Is it my fault that I wasn’t an unwed teenage mother, but actually waited to be an adult before having a baby?  A grown woman has a baby and the next thing you know, she is its GRANDMA?

I had to go to the nearest bar for a drink after that one.

Since the moment that geriatric blindness set in, my vision has been getting worse BY THE MINUTE.  I cannot read a price tag without taking my glasses off.  I cannot find the Exit sign without putting them on.  I am getting a crick from craning my neck up and down to see either over or under.

There have been other signs of impending decrepitude… like the time I was called out by 20 year olds for calling capris, “cropped pants”, and a yearbook an “annual”.  Reminds of the time I had to take over ordering for my grandmother because she was asking for a “cone of cream” and the teenager behind the counter was a moron, “say WHAT?”

I am not saying that I am looking forward to my eventual transformation into the crypt- keeper, but I am trying to stay focused on the fact that the alternative is worse.

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About reneadijab

Renea Dijab

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2 Comments on “Getting Old. Going Blind.”

  1. Lyn Edlin Says:

    Hey, I got my “second sight” back, I now can see better than I could as a child, now only if I could get back my body and mind or maybe Ashely Judd’s I would be happy.Ashley is from Kentucky and a basketball fan, so we do have two things in common.I am no longer wearing contacts or restricted to driving with glasses, this miracle occurred about four years ago. Someone at my class reunion accused me of having lasik surgery,but I have not, in fact I have not been to a doctor of optometry in three years.I do eat carrots everyday and pray the cataracts stay away and glaucoma be gone!

    Reply

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