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Proof of Evolution

December 22, 2011

Essays for Giggles

I have uncovered definitive proof of evolution for all the naysayers still out there who think humankind sprang from magic and a rib.

I am going to offer that unequivocal proof to you now:

my husband.

Get this:  he has a severely-thinning head and a pretty hairless chest, but below the waist, he looks like a chimpanzee.  It’s like his torso evolved but his legs got trapped in an evolutionary time warp.  I guess I should feel lucky that his body didn’t get stuck back any further than monkeys… I mean, he could still have gills or webbed feet.

His legs look like Madonna’s armpits in the 80’s.  Should he accidently fall into the gorilla enclosure at the zoo…I am sure he will completely assimilate and start up housekeeping with some cheeky female gorilla and they will make beautiful children together.

Another example of his not-so-distant Neanderthal heritage is his feet.  My God.  He puts the big in Big Foot.  They are flat and wide like Fred Flinstone feet – yet further proof that his ancestors were cave dwellers with a foot pedaled car and a pet dinosaur?

And his grooming… he has these hardscrabble toes with jagged nails that look like he has been scrambling over boulders and squatting all day looking for a Mastodon to bring down for dinner.

I have to admit that he does clean up well and looks full-human in clothes.  A little nose and ear hair trimming, some cologne and a pair of pants and he looks downright spiffy.  Thankfully, humans discovered clothes along the way so that men can cover up the evidence.

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About reneadijab

Renea Dijab

View all posts by reneadijab

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