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At the risk of revealing that I am an alien species…

January 13, 2012

Essays for Giggles

At the risk of revealing that I am an alien species not of this planet, I am publicly stating that I hate Facebook, Twitter, Texting and iPhones.  This technology is the beginning of the end of civilization as we know it.

Yes, I do have a Facebook page, but it is against my better judgment, and I don’t tweet, text or walk around staring at my smart phone screen, flipping through emails all day.

I also hesitate to reveal my aversion to this techno-noise masquerading as human communication because I think it reveals the fact that I am old.  The young pups seem to totally dig it.  One such young’un, no joke, in defense of Twitter, said that she did not have to wait to learn of the end of Kim KarTrashian’s 72 day marriage; she knew instantly because she had signed up for some twitter alerts of the superficially famous and unfairly wealthy.  Thankfully, she was able to begin her healing process over this tragedy almost immediately.

I had to get my news of this shocking situation the old fashioned way; when I went home and logged on to my MSN home page.  I don’t know how I managed to go six hours longer than my young friend before knowing this devastating news.

On Facebook, sometimes I am “friended” by people who I actually used to have a friendship with 30 years ago and following the initial “I accept” phase… I never receive a personal word from them.  The result of this renewed contact is the invitation to play some game or help them earn “points”… for what I have no flippin’ idea but I am fairly certain that I do not want to get involved.

If you spend all day on FB playing stupid games and your only communication with real friends that you used to actually know is to ask them to help you get to some new level in a parallel universe that does NOT EXIST… well, you need to get a real life.  Go outside.  Talk to real human beings.  Turn your face toward the sun.

And these godforsaken iPhones… OMG.  My husband and I do not have them.  We have cell phones.  They make phone calls.  Mine can take a picture but I do not know how.  We do not give or receive texts.  We went to a party with maybe three other couples in attendance and at one point, every damn one of them was face down on their iPhone looking shit up.  No one was making eye contact or talking directly to humans.  I am sorry but that shit is weird.

I heard of a Mom’s Night Out at a coffee house, that devolved into everyone pulling out their iPhones and sharing their favorite apps.  I don’t have an iPhone.  And I somehow manage to live my life without “apps”… now, I am not a Neanderthal, I have a laptop with Wi-Fi at home, an iPad, a Wii, flat screen, 3D, Blue Ray… I have ENTERTAINMENT technology… I can access my computer for information and I have a GPS for directions… but for actual “communication”… I still prefer it, the old fashioned way… email.

And sometimes, just for fun, I like to talk to real people.  Without looking at a screen.

And, listen, I am not going to farm corn in real life (Farmville) or harvest blueberries (Smurfs) but if they ever make a game called, “Spend my life savings on cheap shit made-in-China at Wal-Mart”… well, then you have a game I can relate too.

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About reneadijab

Renea Dijab

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4 Comments on “At the risk of revealing that I am an alien species…”

  1. ozzyatl Says:

    I remember the good ol’ days, when we kids had to get our social updates by hogging the one family phone line for hours, holed up in our rooms!

    I thought you’d like this quote from Bill Maher (tweet him if you like it!):

    “I don’t need my cell phone to play video games or access the Internet or double as a walkie-talkie–I just need it to make a phone call. Why is getting to Level Four of Tomb Raider no problem but to have a simple conversation I have to stand on a hilltop with my nuts wrapped in tinfoil? When it comes to cell phones, I just need the basics: something that rings at inappropriate moments, interferes with airplane safety, and gives me a brain tumor.”

    Reply

    • reneadijab Says:

      I remember those days. Had to wait for Dad to get home before I could use the phone, in case he needed to call. The day Call Waiting was introduced was the happiest day of my childhood.

      Love Bill Maher.

      Reply

  2. Tammy Says:

    I’m with you on this one. Well, mostly. I think it’s stupid how everyone is focused on tiny little screens instead of on the people around them. I especially hate to see parents ignoring their small children so they can interact with their gadgets. But . . . I do have an iPhone, which is very handy. And I do text but only when it makes more sense than making a phone call. And I do have Facebook, even though it is profoundly annoying, because it’s a good way to stay in touch with a few people I care about but don’t see often and that I’d otherwise lose touch with because of the busy-ness of life.

    You are correct that this aversion reveals the fact that you (we) are old. My grandfather resisted getting a television set for YEARS, despite his children’s pleas. My mother still talks about how her schoolmates would laugh about Milton Berle and Jackie Gleason and Red Buttons and she’d laugh right along with them, pretending she knew what they were talking about. Then, in the mid-1960s, she moved back in with her parents temporarily while my father was stationed overseas and brought her TV with her. Soon, my grandfather discovered The News, and he was hooked. So, you see, you too could be a convert. All it might take is the right app. Did you know, for instance, that there’s an app on iPhone that will allow you to scan barcodes and find the same item cheaper at another store? I can see your husband using THAT.

    Reply

  3. Betty Says:

    Am here for the first time, enjoying your posts. I do like the convenience of cell phones but I have to say that I use mine for emergencies and my daily 2 minute phone call to my hubby on my lunch break. I do not understand how people have allowed these things to become like an extra appendage. Some of the stories I have heard about musicians and performers actually stopping a performance because some idiot left their phone on are really sad. It seems common sense and common courtesy have flown out the window. Again, I think they are a great technology and convenience but not when they are taking away from real life experiences and face-time. I almost long for the days when people actually had to pull over to use a phone booth. The roads sure seemed a lot safer then.

    Reply

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