Sam’s vs. Wal-Mart

Everyone knows that Sam’s Club and Wal-Mart are owned by the same corporate wildebeest.  Why then is there such a striking difference between the employees of the two stores?


At my friendly neighborhood Sam’s Club, the employees are of average intelligence, reasonably friendly and capable of speaking in complete sentences.  More importantly, they seem to know where items are located in their store.  I stand in stunned amazement every time I ask the location of say, Moon Pies, and a Sam’s employee not only knows where they are, but will walk me to the exact location within the labyrinth.


This is in stark contrast to the multi-level scavenger hunt game that Wal-Mart employees like to play.  I have been sent to as many as three incorrect locations by three separate employees, each just as sure as the last, that they knew where bamboo skewers were hidden.  Do none of them ever look around the store on their way to the employee break room?  How can they not know where ANYTHING is?  EVER?


Back to the Sam’s employees.  Their pants mostly cover their ass.  Their hair consists mainly of hues actually found in nature.  They are less tattooed.  Less pierced.  And are able to pick up coins off the counter.


The cashiers at my Wal-Mart have a hideous defect that keeps them from being able to handle coins.  They have crab claws for hands as they scrabble around trying to grasp tiny objects.


To attract even more attention to these unholy appendages, they paint tiny tattoos on them and bedazzle them with jewels.


I think if you have acrylic nails applied to your hands in such a fashion that you cannot pick up a quarter from a flat surface then you are DISQUALIFIED from being able to work as a cashier.  Having enough manual dexterity to actually handle money should be a minimum qualification, should it not?


And the cashiers at my Wal-Mart are monosyllabic.  They do not address me at any point in the transaction.   I would think they were learning disabled if it weren’t for occasionally hearing the intimate details of their personal life with a co-worker who stopped by for a social chat while they were ringing out lines of customers that had snaked back to the shoe department.  So I do know they CAN talk.


I imagine the interview process at Sam’s goes something like this:  “Hi… uh, Destiny Pie, is it?… oh, you prefer to go by ‘Delicious’?  OK… Delicious…. Can you tell more about your previous experience?  Wait, what is that horn-shaped, neon- purple hair sculpture jutting from the back of your head?  And what in God’s name is wrong with your hands?”….    And off Delicious goes to start her new job at Wal-Mart…


I know the whole pants-on-the-ground thing is not new but it really should be a distant memory by now.  Aren’t young people supposed to come up with a fad, keep it for a while, and then exchange it for a new one?  Isn’t there a shelf life on these things?  I mean  LL Cool J isn’t still walking around with one pants leg pushed up.  MC Hammer gave up harem pants.


But somehow, decades later, the second and third generation of men are deliberately walking around with the waist band of their jeans clinging to their hip sockets with 6” of sporty boxers blowing in the breeze.  OK.  Whatever.  I don’t care.  But when this is the way you show up for WORK, and since you obviously haven’t been sent home, or issued an emergency belt from Menswear, your boss is OK with it… well, that is the difference between Sam’s and Wal-Mart, my friends.


I think Sam’s needs to send some people over to Wal-Mart to provide some customer service training.  And maybe some grooming tips.

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About reneadijab

Renea Dijab

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One Comment on “Sam’s vs. Wal-Mart”

  1. Amye Says:

    Lol, an emergency belt from menswear!! Amen!


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