Redhead: Demon or Diva?

May 4, 2012

Essays for Giggles

My stories have been a little dark lately what with wanting to beat up children and killing Santa and all… so I thought I would lighten the mood a bit.

For those who don’t know me personally, I’m a redhead.  Natural.  Never been colored.  The carpet matches the drapes.

My life was once kind of defined by that.   When I was a child, there were the never-ending questions from strangers, “where’d you get that red hair?”

From the time I could talk, my mother taught me to say, “From the milkman.”  I had no idea what this meant, but old folks laughed uproariously when I said it.

I always envisioned that the milkman dropped off a bottle on the front porch filled with red hair.  I don’t know how I could imagine that, since surely, they were not still doing door-to-door milk deliveries in 1970.  I blame it on watching 1960’s episodes of “Lassie” in the afternoons.  I can’t be THAT old.

I was about eleven years old when I finally figured it out.  We were late bloomers back then.  I don’t even know how I realized that it implied, not that the friendly neighborhood milkman brought me my hair in a bottle, but that the pervert had an affair with my mother.  You can imagine my pre-teen squirming at THAT thought.

I then spent the next few decades answering the question, “do you have a temper?” with, “I do if you piss me off.”  I mean, what a dumb question.  Are you asking me if I have the capacity for anger?  Then, the answer would be “yes.”  That is a normal, human emotion and if I were to meet someone who could NOT be angered, then I would be afraid…  very afraid, ‘cause when they blow, it ain’t going to be pretty and I don’t want to be where I can be hit by scattered buckshot.

Or are you asking me if I just go around furious all the time for no reason at all other than the fact that my hair color is pissing me off?  Well, that would be psychotic.

At some point, I began to wonder, what came first, the chicken or the egg?  I mean, was I feisty because I had red hair and it was expected of me, or did the red hair inherently make me sassier than I would be if I were brunette?

I guess if I had to choose to be a stereotype based on hair color, I would prefer high maintenance redhead to dumb-as-a-box-of-rocks blond.  Not saying blonds are dumb for goodness sake, but that it is the stereotype.  I have known plenty of ignorant brunettes and darker haired babes as well.

I was also taken aback when I discovered that we redheads were 3% of the earth’s population.  I am the truest representation of a minority.  There are not many groups with fewer members than my club, except maybe some, as yet undiscovered, pygmy tribe in Australia.

And you should have seen my face when I learned that my sisters were once burned at the stake as witches solely because of the color of their hair.  As if there is a more rational reason to be considered a witch.

I just googled the subject and you don’t even want to know what I read: a result of inbreeding (thanks a LOT), and red hair is considered unlucky because Judas (the traitor of none other than Jesus Christ, himself) was a red-head.  Really?

I guess in some way I feel special to have so much mythology wrapped around my hair.  I never thought it was a bad thing.  Never really got me anywhere either.  When I was a child, classmates on the playground would call me “Redheaded Monkey” and say, things like “I would rather be dead than red on the head.”  Shit like that.  Maybe I was just retarded, but I took that in the spirit of teasing fun.  I never felt bad about it.  Never felt like they were being mean.

Perhaps I was just too dumb to know that I was being insulted, and that 500 years earlier, these same little heathens would be lighting me up with a torch.

Thankfully, I don’t fear for my life or feel discrimination because of my hair color.  And with years of therapy, I have gotten over the whole milkman debacle.

Demon or Diva?  I don’t know right now.  Ask me in the morning.

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About reneadijab

Renea Dijab

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2 Comments on “Redhead: Demon or Diva?”

  1. stilishbabe Says:

    All women are demons from time to time! I think redheads are sexy and very feminine! I loved reading your post! 😀


  2. tammyoberhausen Says:

    Love your mom’s answer to a stupid question. My answer to “demon or diva?” would be BOTH! But that’s OK!


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