July 31, 2012

Essays for Giggles

And no, not the kind you are thinking.   Research of the last few years, suggests that young men’s brains are not fully developed until their mid-twenties; supposedly this is some explanation for why the prisons are over-run with males and offenders get younger every day.

Well, duh!  I thought everyone knew men were developmentally challenged – except maybe lesbians – but certainly anyone who has had an actual relationship with a man.

I see this kind of thinking applied to the idea of even younger children every day… it’s the modern version of “boys will be boys”.  Whereever grown women gather, talk will turn to the things their men do that baffle them, but now, we know it is not their fault!  They are just not yet fully “cooked”.  Their brains need a little more time in the oven.

A man can have a PHD and not be able to turn on the dishwasher.  My husband is a DVM, yet has kitchen skills equivalent to a toddler.

Once many years ago, I had left-over homemade red sauce in the fridge.  I was in the habit of meeting my husband at home for lunch.  On this particular day, my plan had been to boil some fresh spaghetti and add the leftover sauce for our meal.

Unexpectedly, I wasn’t able to make it home and called him to tell him he would have to boil spaghetti himself.  With obvious fear in his voice, he asked me how to do it.  I said, very slowly, “Take out a large pot, fill it 2/3 with water and put it on to boil.  Once boiling, add salt…”, at that point, he interrupted me excitedly and said, “I’ll just eat the sauce.”  He wasn’t kidding.  The man – who could cut off a dog’s testicles and stick a thermometer up my cat’s ass (which is an action not undertaken lightly, if you know my cat), was afraid to boil pasta.  He was going to eat sauce for lunch.

You see it every day with teen boys.  Car insurance rates are higher for boys for a reason.  And little boys vs. little girls?  I am so thankful for my girl child, as I would have already died of a heart attack if I had been the mother of say… my two nephews.

Those boys – long before they could swim – would quite confidently jump into the deep end the minute you turned your back.  Leaping off anything higher than a table is a daily source of fun and inspiration.  One day, I expect to discover they have made a zip line across their two-story living room.

It is incredible to me that men survive as long as they do, and without the civilizing influence of women, where would they be?  Apparently, my husband would be on a sauce-only diet.  I think I’ll put him back in the oven on 350 degrees for another hour.

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About reneadijab

Renea Dijab

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One Comment on “Half-Baked”

  1. healthyfrenchie Says:

    haha I laughed so hard! My man is not quite so useless in the kitchen, but I do agree that men need “more time in the oven”


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