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Working Out The Super Store Shopper Way – My New Weight Loss Plan!

August 27, 2012

Essays for Giggles

I just spent two hours at SAMS Club, spending $600, and loading approximately 300 pounds worth of crap onto a flatbed cart, seriously, the cat litter alone is a 45 pound container.

Then, at the register, as I am unloading everything again, the cashier and I discover simultaneously that her belt was broken – the moving conveyor belt, not the one holding up her pants… so now, I had to physically put every item directly into her hands, one at a time.

Then I push the fu**#@g 300-pound flatbed to the door, where I have to wait for some old lady, who is approximately 102 years old, to scan my receipts and determine that the cashier had in fact charged me for every item.  How effective can suspiciously eyeballing my cart be when there is a mountain of merchandise taller than she is?

So now, I continue to push the fu**#@g 300-pound flatbed out to the car and then for the third time, move 2 cases of green tea, 2 cases of water, a 30 pound bag of cat food (damn cat) and about 100 more items.

I drive home, massaging my lower back at stoplights, to discover that my garage door opener won’t open the door, with $200 worth of de-frosting animal protein, slowly becoming unfit for human consumption piled so high in the cargo area that I can’t see to back out of my driveway.

So I go to the nearest store and buy a new battery. Come home, the g*&ddamn thing still doesn’t work. So I get out of the car, go around to the front door, into the house, out to the garage and realize the damn electricity is off.  We’re all waiting for this damn hurricane to hit Florida, and wonder if we might lose electricity in the overflow weather, and we don’t even have power 24 hours BEFORE THE STORM HITS!

So then, I have to get the key to the back gate, to take the nearest exit to the breaker box to discover all is well there.  I am in the process of starting to haul the red wagon through the house to the back yard and through the gate to the car, so that I can unload, when thankfully, I had the common sense to see if I could manually open the door.  I am not the brightest bulb on the tree, but I was pretty easily able to determine there is a string, that when pulled, detaches the door from the chain and it rolls right up with barely the pressure from the tip of a finger.

Well, THANK GOD, something was going my way.  Now, while moving 300 pounds FOR THE FOURTH TIME, the electricity comes back on, and as happy as I was to see that mudroom light shining, I still called it an ugly name.

To top it off, I had already been to the gym this morning… and now I am off for an un-scheduled emergency visit to the chiropractor.

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About reneadijab

Renea Dijab

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One Comment on “Working Out The Super Store Shopper Way – My New Weight Loss Plan!”

  1. kdkh Says:

    Unfortunately, I can really relate. A trip to Costco is almost always followed by a nap. And sometimes, it does mean a trip to the chiropractor for me too! Sorry for your crappy day.

    Reply

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