Darling Nickki

August 28, 2012

Essays for Giggles

I just walked into the living room at midnight, to discover my husband channel surfing and temporarily caught in the net of Prince’s 1984 film “Purple Rain”… if you are younger than 45 – this may be a quaint story of nostalgia about how Grandma and Grandpa used to “get down”… if you are older than that, perhaps you will recognize some remaining elements of The Revolution…

First of all, I was 19-years-old when this movie came out – and to this day, I love me some Prince.  This tiny, elfin, androgynous, almost certainly bi-sexual, black man… in 1984, was making girls scream and pass out like a munchkin-sized black Elvis.

Of course, at the time, I was unaware of how truly short he was.

As a woman who was 5’8” in the 7th grade, I was disturbed to learn that my little mini-chocolate-chip of desire was only 5’2” and, unlike Tom Cruise, explicitly didn’t date women taller than himself… not that I would want to date a man who came up to my shoulder either, thankyouverymuch Mr. Snobby Prince, also not like I ever had a chance either.

I literally, took posters – which for those of you who remember – featured a semi-nude, tiny, feminine African American male, lounging on purple satin sheets – and taped them onto leftover pieces of paneling from a basement den restoration project and then propped these 4 X 5 foot pieces of homemade art in my bedroom windows, creating a darkened den of iniquity…

And these were the good old days of “record clubs”, though you could specify albums or the latest in grooviness cassette tapes, and my parents for some ridiculous reason got the mail one day and while riding around town, decided to open up my latest order from the Record-of-the-Month club and pop it into the truck’s cassette player… well, this happened to be the album with songs like “Annie Christian” AKA Anti – Christ, which if you listen to the lyrics is not GLORIFYING anti-social behavior but condemning it, and a song called “Jack U Off”, which even I admit made me wonder if he was gay – though, with no proof at all, – I will stake my life on the fact that Prince has at some point in his life experimented with sex with other males – and I had a hard time defending that one to Mom, but at 19-years-old, I guessed that people did in fact jack each other off in the occasional movie theater.  That is all I could offer as an explanation for that particular song.

So you can imagine that “The Squares” – Mommio and Daddio – didn’t dig my music in the early ‘80s and they took it away from me.  Yes, I was living in their house, but I worked full-time, was in college full-time, paid my own school tuition and also paid for my own record club purchases, so I was a little put out at that “The Wo-Man” was coming down on me like that…

Even now, in my current dotage, and even at the height of its most ridiculous, when I see a young man with his pants hanging below his butt, or some crazy-ass outfit ala’ Nicki Minaj, or Miley Cyrus’ new haircut, I think, “ah, Bless those kids’ hearts” in an affectionate kind of way… let them express themselves… as long as they aren’t hurting anyone… and keep in mind, this is for those under 25…if I can see your boxers and your waist band is constricting your knees, and you are say, 29 years old?  Then you are a Loser (capitol L).

Does anyone remember Tipper Gore’s crusade against lewd lyrics in the 80’s, all started by the provocateur, Prince, himself, with his masturbation song “Darling Nickki”?… which okay, I get you’re uncomfortable with it… but hey, everybody masturbates at some point in their lives, and if they don’t, something is wrong with them, and I want an extra-thorough background check on their weapons application… but I distinctly remember that I did not know how “dirty” Sheena Easton’s “Sugar Walls” was until Tipper Gore and Friends starting discussing the lyrics. Oh My God, this song was about the inside of a vagina?  Thanks, Tipper, for ruining the song for me and grossing me out a little bit at the same time.

But as usual, I digress… sometimes it is hard to have lived long enough to find out that the mysterious, elusive, too-cool-for-school Prince, re-named himself some unpronounceable hieroglyphic, and became a Jehovah’s Witness… seriously, people in Minnesota, have opened their door to find PRINCE on their porch, wanting to come inside for a religious chat-fest… I have never let a Door-Knocker in my house in my life… but I swear, as freaky as it would be, I would let Prince come into my living room and get his “Witness to Jehovah” on… just to hang out with him for an hour… do you think he would be embarrassed if I started writhing on the floor doing my impression of him doing “Darling Nikki” on stage almost thirty years ago?

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About reneadijab

Renea Dijab

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