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Extreme Tamponing

October 20, 2012

Essays for Giggles

For those who haven’t read my previous story on Butt Chugging, go ahead and read it now so that you are caught up on the subject.  Go ahead.  I’ll wait…   Done?  Feeling nauseated and think it can’t get any worse?  Read on.

Apparently, young women are soaking tampons in vodka and inserting them into their vaginas in order to get spontaneously drunk when the liquor is soaked directly into the membranes.

I’ve heard of spiking a watermelon but this is ridiculous.

And tampons are gross enough using them for their original function without soaking them in a toxic substance first.  And how did vodka get the dubious honor?  Why not Whiskey Tampons?  Rum Tampons?  Or even Gin Tampons?  Maybe you could even go all out and make a Long Island Tea Tampon.

I can just see the future of pina colada and strawberry daiquiri tampons on store shelves now.  You know those baggies full of pre-mixed drinks you can buy?  Well, now you can get the same effect in the personal hygiene isle.

According to medical experts, the practice will “literally destroy the vagina”, which I think we can all agree, in this case is a good thing ‘cause we don’t want people this stupid to breed.

At least, unlike Butt Chugging, Extreme Tamponing is something you don’t need the assistance of another to accomplish.  The practice of inserting a tampon is an act every woman does in private, though I can think of nothing sadder than a woman getting drunk all alone with her tampon.

And again, I don’t get the rush-to-coma-followed-by-brain-death aspect of all this.  I mean, being drunk is not fun, but getting drunk can be… You laugh and talk, say and think silly things, flirt, play drinking games all in the process of getting drunk… but apparently the new way is to bypass all the social part and go straight to Shit-Faced Town.  Do not pass Go.  Do not collect $200.

And I could even understand the urgency a little bit if alcohol were like a hallucinogen and you were rushing to get to the good stuff, but in this case, the rush is to get to unconsciousness?  Does this make any sense at all?  What will the young’uns thing of next?

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About reneadijab

Renea Dijab

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3 Comments on “Extreme Tamponing”

  1. kdkh Says:

    I can’t imagine hating my life enough to do this….

    Reply

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Bears, Sharks and Vodka Tampons, Oh My! « Confessions of a Latte Liberal - November 14, 2012

    […] Extreme Tamponing (thinkandponder.com) […]

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