Asshat of the Week – subtitled: “You Can’t Make This Stuff Up” – April 5, 2013

April 4, 2013

Asshat of the Week

So many people fought valiantly for the coveted “Asshat of the Week” award this week.

For instance, there was Rush Limbaugh protesting gay marriage as the downfall of the institution, all while married to his fourth wife, but then I thought, I should just give him a lifetime achievement award and be done with it.

There was Pat Robertson speaking publicly again – does he not have handlers? – explaining why God performs more miracles in poor, third world countries… you know, ‘cause we have something called “education” in America, boys and girls.  With that old bugaboo “knowledge”, “science”, “logic” and “reason” tormenting us, how is God supposed to get his message through?  You know, the same God that gave us free-will, and the intellect to acquire the knowledge we have as a species and now, we are just his uppity, upstart children who don’t listen to Daddy no more… but then I thought, making fun of Pat Robertson at this point is just cruel… I don’t like to make fun of the mentally feeble and physically infirm.

And then there was this asshole Mike Rice, coach of Rutgers basketball team, exposed in a video physically and verbally assaulting his players.  Administrators at the University have had this video for months, but only suspended the idiot as punishment for what I consider criminal behavior, after of course, “not renewing the contract” (which is kind of like being fired, but not really) of the “whistle blower” for bringing the video to them… (I smell lawsuit)… and then when the video becomes public… wake up, people, it’s 2013!… he was fired in less than 24 hours… but he had only been temporarily suspended until the rest of the world found out about it… Hello!  Penn State!  Sure, this guy was just punching, kicking, hitting, and hurling slurs at college-age young men over whom he was an authority figure, not raping little boys in the locker room shower, but the principle is the same; this university chose to cover up and conceal until they had no other choice.

So, yes, it has been a busy week in the Asshat competition.  Ultimately, I chose to focus on my core message, which is that the world is full of kooks wearing their ass like a hat and I settled on two politicians who I think are running neck and neck for the award… it is going to come down to a nose… I may have to take a photograph at the Finish Line… so I thought for the first time, I would present to you my top two contenders and let you, my readers, vote… what follows is my case for both these men’s nominations for “Asshat of the Week”… read, discuss, and vote!

Is it any wonder our government is like a dysfunctional family at Thanksgiving; Drunk Aunt Thelma, Crazy Cousin Bubba, and the Thing That Lives In The Basement, that we call Nana?     I mean, day after day, you hear the news and wonder if the whole country is run by a bunch of baboons, and I think that just might be an insult to baboons.

First up for this week’s Asshat award is Don Young (R), State Representative for Alaska, serving since 1973 – which methinks is part of the problem – who said in an interview and I quote “My father had a ranch.  We used 50 – 60 wetbacks to pick tomatoes; it takes two people to pick the same tomatoes now.  It’s all done by machine.”

I am going to assume, based on nothing but sheer hope, that some of you don’t understand the concern with the statement, and are unaware of the fact that “wetback” is a racial slur against Hispanic immigrants.  He might as well have thrown down the n-word, ‘cause it’s pretty bad.

So, that is completely ridiculous and unforgivable, but there are even more disturbing things about this statement, when you realize this Asshat is responsible for running this country.  Number one:  This statement was in response to a question about job creation in America and presumably he is bemoaning the fact that modern technology has turned farm work, that used to take dozens of men and women to accomplish, into a job that just takes a couple of people.

I am not sure of the point of that statement.  Is he suggesting that we abandon machinery so lots of folks can avail themselves of low-paying, back-breaking farm labor?  I would think a more forward-thinking, less Asshatish approach would be to talk about education, technology and job training.

Number Two:  He and his political party have a tough-love approach toward immigration; don’t let anyone in, throw out anyone who managed to sneak in, do not give hard-working, law-abiding immigrants a path to citizenship and deport illegals who have been in this country since they were babies, yet he openly admits, with no sense of irony, that his family employed illegal immigrants to do his farm work, and now is apparently suggesting we abandon modern technology to give jobs to Americans.

Ay Caramba!  You can’t make this stuff up, and for one last rib tickler, let me just point out that this bastion of intellect and cultural sensitivity is Chair of the Subcommittee on Indian and Alaska Native Affairs.


Okay, I’m back… I just got up off the floor, where I was clutching my sides and rolling around laughing hysterically, but I’m okay now.  I’m ready to go on…

Former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford disappeared for several days in 2009, and after reemerging, claimed he was hiking the Appalachian Trail… alone… the Governor of a state (granted it’s just South Carolina, not a state that really matters)… was completely incommunicado for six days…. no one on his staff knew where he was or how to reach him in case of an emergency… turns out the Asshat was on the taxpayer dole on an illegal trip to Argentina to have sex with his mistress.  Governor “Asshat” Sanford was married with children at the time.  He is now divorced with children, but is engaged to his Argentinian whore.

Okay, believe it or not, this is not the Asshat part… the interesting part of the story is that he just ran in a Republican primary for his old senate seat and WON over 15 other competitors… and is considered the favorite to beat Democratic challenger, Elizabeth Colbert Busch (Stephen Colbert’s sister).

Now, since some folks are so dense they miss the point, Sanford may be a dickhead as a husband, but I could care less about that from a professional standpoint.  I mean, I like Bill Clinton.  I could hang out with him and have a beer, but I don’t want to be married to him.  The problem is that Sanford absconded – that’s a fancy word for stealing – with taxpayer money to fund a personal trip and completely shirked his sworn duties as Governor for six days.  If he did that in the military, he would be in prison.

And apparently, this is the type of resume that gets you re-elected to the Senate in South Carolina.  Dear, sweet, mildly retarded South Carolina… the last Southern Bastion of Bigotry flying the Confederate Flag (the flag of a defeated, rogue nation that tried to destroy my country) over the state Capitol.  Well, actually, after a heated discussion, they did remove it from the Capitol building, and placed it near a monument on the Capitol lawn.

In January 2000, another illustrious son of South Carolina, State Senator Arthur Ravenel referred to the NAACP as the “National Association of Retarded People” which is stupid, because apparently that old genius Ravenel doesn’t know how an acronym works, but then he doubled down and apologized to “retarded people” for associating them with the NAACP.  Wow.

So that’s South Carolina; the ugly, bucktooth, slightly deranged sister of North Carolina.  And I would say that if they elect this Asshat Mark Sanford, they deserve what they get.  I don’t care.  I don’t live there.  But as we say down South, bless their hearts.

So who do YOU think should win this week’s award?  The Republican Representative who used a racial slur?  Or the former Republican Governor who should have been arrested for dereliction of duty and is so shameless that he wants his old job back?

I’ll let you decide.


About reneadijab

Renea Dijab

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2 Comments on “Asshat of the Week – subtitled: “You Can’t Make This Stuff Up” – April 5, 2013”

  1. haydendlinder Says:

    I Voted “It’s a Tie” and here’s why. Don Young may be a bigot but his state still listed their Native American Affairs committee as “INDIAN” and Alaska Native Affairs, which, if I am not mistaken, is racist. Which means, Don is what we should expect from Alaska.

    Mark Sanford, however is a great man! Chasin hoochie across international lines!? This man should be a legend!

    As a side note, For shear BALLS his friend, and brother in Christ, State Senator Arthur Ravenel is now my Hero. I have nothing but respect for the NAACP, however, any man with stones of such magnitude deserves to go down in the history books. Probably as a chinless racist, but still! He deserves something.

    God bless:)


    • reneadijab Says:

      Funny comments! I noticed the “Indian” reference as being out-of-date to say the least… I think most politicians have elephant balls and no shame.


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