Asshat of the Week – May 21, 2013

May 22, 2013

Asshat of the Week

Michele Bachmann


Michele Bachmann cracks me up. There are many issues that are important to her, but nothing lights a fire in her belly as much as her fear of a God-sponsored Armageddon destroying Sodom and Gomorrah… oops, I meant America… due to the mere existence of homosexuals.

Also, apparently she is a witch. For years, she has been warning that same-sex marriage could become legal in Minnesota, forced on the unwitting populous by “activist judges” if they didn’t pass a law against it first.On August 1 of this year, Michele’s uncanny prediction will become true.

Alongwith Minnesota, eleven other states and the District of Columbia now allow same-sex marriage, which is almost 25% of the country. The tide is changing and same-sex marriage will be legal across the land in my lifetime. The Preppers better get those Zombie Apocalypse bunkers ready now, because if you think you’ve seen God mad so far, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.These must be fearful times for Michele Bachmann.

She issued a statement saying she was “disappointed” that the legislation had passed and arguing that it “denies religious liberty to people who believe in traditional marriage and who do not want to be forced to violate their conscience and sincerely held religious beliefs.”

For the life of me, I do not understand how the legalization of same-sex marriage denies someone else their religious liberty. Do heterosexuals think they are going to be forced to marry their own kind? Why the hell would they think that? And how does this violate someone’s conscience? I have never understood how anyone else’s actions and choices reflect on me.

Attention straight people who are offended by homosexuality, listen carefully, there is no law that says you must socialize, entertain, speak to or otherwise engage with someone who is offensive to you. There are laws that say you can’t hurt other people because you don’t like them, but trust me; the legalization of gay marriage does not mean you will be forced to invite married homos over for dinner… unless you want to. Wink. Wink.

Michele Bachmann is not only bat-shit crazy, but she is married to a closeted, repressed gay man. Good Lord, the irony could not be more painfully glaring or entertaining. Have you seen Marcus ranting about those “barbarians” and how they need to be civilized and “disciplined?”

Hey, Mr. Bachmann, this isn’t “50 Shades of Grey,” keep your homo-erotic fantasies to yourself buddy!Don’t believe me? Everyone who goes into psychotherapy is chasing their own demons away.

Marcus’ big demon are those “barbarians” and somehow I think he is picturing “Conan the Barbarian” when he says that; muscular pecs glistening, taut thighs stretched against a tiny leather loin cloth, steely jaw, piercing eyes… wait… what? Uh… back to the subject… anyone who is trying to “pray the gay” out of others, first falls upon that desperate, dangerous and cruel practice by trying to work that mojo on themselves first, and last but not least, Michele Bachmann is the most obvious beard since Nicole Kidman and Katie Holmes.

For sheer balls in the glaring absence of them, this week’s Asshat of the Week goes to the first married couple! Congratulations Michele and Marcus Bachmann!

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About reneadijab

Renea Dijab

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3 Comments on “Asshat of the Week – May 21, 2013”

  1. thelastsongiheard Says:

    I certainly agree with your analysis of her illogical opinion that this somehow violates people’s freedom of religion… the exact same thought went through my mind… you mean… I’ll be forced to talk to gay people now? Oh my gosh!! However will I know if someone’s gay or not? I hope they tell me first otherwise I might burn in Hell and it won’t even be my fault!


  2. janineyork Says:

    What also is never lost on me is the absolute irony of their message. Usually the people who have the most rigid intolerance for others are the ones who beg the most tolerance from humanity for their own actions. I often wonder if they really believe the hateful and intolerant words that they spew, or it they are just pandering to the tea-party mentality for votes? I really get angry when people impose their religious views through intolerance. Isn’t that the worst advertisement for religion and counter Christ? If everyone would just work on themselves and making themselves evolved can you imagine the different world we would live? I love your writing Renea! So funny, sarcastic, relevant, and thoughtful all expressed through that unique wit and intelligence, just muah-perfect! PS I loved the most obvious beard reference too, literally lol!


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