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One Size Fits All

May 24, 2015

Essays, Sunday Fun Day

My ass.

Actually, one-size-fits-all doesn’t fit my ass either.

But right now, I’m talking about hats.

sunhat

I am not a petite woman. I could give a drag queen a run for her money in the shoe department, and my head is not small either. I contend it is all those brains stuffed inside, but you probably won’t find many people who will back me up on that.

I can’t find a casual sun hat that will encircle my gigantic noggin. I have NEVER been able to find one. I imagine there are some specialty stores for mutants out there where I could special order a Godzilla-sized hat for a hundred bucks, but I am talking about spending $20 at Target.

And I have tried every retailer you can imagine. I should have lice… and fleas… from the amount of random hats that I have tried to squeeze on my dome every summer.

I can buy one of those sun hats that roll up and leave the top of the head uncovered, but what is the point of that?  Shade for my face, but a bright red racing stripe down the center of my head? I don’t want a sunburned scalp. I don’t want a sunburned anything. And yes, I can wear an adjustable baseball hat, but I don’t want to.

I WANT A SUN HAT! And every time I try on one that says “one-size-fits-all” and I can’t squash it past my eyebrows, I want to burn a place down. One size fits all. My ass.

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About reneadijab

Renea Dijab

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12 Comments on “One Size Fits All”

  1. haydendlinder Says:

    Have you considered just biting the bullet and buying a sombrero?

    Reply

  2. jingramiii Says:

    Your dad certainly understands your problem…LOL

    Reply

  3. beckyrt Says:

    ha! I have a big head and have been looking for a hat for a month! I finally found a cute one that fits at TJ Maxx. 🙂

    Reply

  4. fangboner1 Says:

    The lice and fleas made me laugh because that is my thought everytime I see someone try on a hat. If I try one on try as I might I have to go home and wash my hair. Have. To.

    Reply

  5. Lisa Nolan at Monkey Star Press Says:

    Jeeze! I hate those one size fits all clothing items! I never considered hats, though! Maybe it’s because I’ve had luck with second-hand, hand-made knitted hats at the local thrift store, LOL! But they are not sun hats! Now I want to go buy a used sun hat! Wish me luck!

    Reply

  6. Nicole Johnson Says:

    My children have massive heads and tiny bodies…my very own bobble bunch, so I understand. Maybe you could turn a pot upside down and start a trend, and this works for my two-year-old!

    Reply

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