Baby feet. Old Feet. Cute feet. Gross feet.

Recently, I was struck by the hideous state of most adult’s feet.  Both men and women freely exhibit their toes in the most jaw-droppingly disgusting state… and don’t seem to care!  These are the same people who showered, shaved, put on cologne and clothes, and seemed to give a damn about their appearance to the outside world, then casually thrust their squat, fat little feet into the slimmest idea of a “shoe” and prance around with the most disgusting external part of their body visible to anyone who might be say… eating.

The two-inch thick chunks of dead skin crusted on the heel, the Fred Flintstone big toe, the pinkie all curled up in a fetal position, the chipped metallic blue nail polish, are all enough to make one wonder if people think their toes are protected by an invisibility cloak.

Then I notice the chubby little feet of toddlers and remember how often I actually KISSED the toes of my own child and am made aware of one of nature’s many cruelties – what starts out as one of the cutest, most kissable parts of the human body slowly becomes the nastiest, most feral part of our hardworking anatomy.

I just want folks to take a moment to look at their feet… go on… do it… right now.  For the love of all that is holy, do they look like a werewolf’s paws?  Have they had any kind of grooming AT ALL within say… the past year?  Could you cut through a good inch layer of calluses before your brain recognized pain from hitting live skin?  If any of this is true for you, then please… please… for the sake of all of us with a weak stomach and a love for eating outdoors in the summer time, cover up those tootsies and/or get an intensive pedicure.

I thank you in advance.  We all do.  And remember, there is no shame in wearing boots.